Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Randomize
