I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
