Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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