Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
