If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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