Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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