If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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