My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
