we're chasing vodka with high fives
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
