If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
