When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
