I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I need a burrito and a hug.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
