What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
