Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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