i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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