We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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