I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
