You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
