I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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