I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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