seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
