I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
