On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
