i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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