i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
