You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
