Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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