"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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