While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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