Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
