what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
