You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
