so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
