The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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