Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
