You just made me feel so damn special
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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