Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize