The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
this hospital has no fireball
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize