exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
