I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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