dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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