Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
