The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
