Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
