No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I touched a dick in church today
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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