I met the friendliest cop last night
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
