haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
