We're facebook friends in real life
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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