Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
