Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
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Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
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I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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