If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
