Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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