Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
