chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
