I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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