The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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