I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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