She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
