I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
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