I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
NoShamevember. You game?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
