I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
