This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
