Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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