my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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