hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
