I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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