You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
