My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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