Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
