dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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