Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
